Direction is Difficult

“So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more dangerous to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.”

- Jon Krakauer

Recently I had a conundrum in my life that I couldn’t seem to get passed. It wasn’t a major event or series of events that changed my outlook; but instead, a self-reflection. I looked at myself and those around me and asked, “Am I really happy?” This made my mind go crazy and reflect in more directions than I could comprehend at any given moment. Emotions began pouring through my body and mind as if it were a fast moving stream flowing through a plethora of pebbles and rocks. I found myself distracted by all of the different aspects; I couldn’t take one steady path and analyze it as I had hoped. The bulk of this feeling, coming from the lifestyle I’ve been living.

As I analyzed my situation further, I began to feel complacent. Nothing I seem to do has felt good enough for me, I feel as though I’m not progressing, changing; I’m becoming stagnant, almost, boring.

Any of you reading this that know me are probably thinking, “Levi… complacent?” It sounds absurd to them due to my lifestyle. To them, I’m always up to something; be it skydiving, scuba diving, rock climbing, mountain biking, hiking, etc. All of these things I participate in on a regular basis, but perhaps it is not as ‘regular’ as I’d like.

This becomes more apparent when I pull my career into the picture.  I love my job; the fact that I’m able to help thousands of people communicate each day is a very rewarding thing. I’ve been with my current company for 2 years now, and in my position for 1.5 years. I feel as if I’m stagnant because I haven’t experienced change in so long. My routine is just that, a routine. Which leads me to sit and wonder… isn’t there something more? Working thousands of hours a year in order to get a couple hundred hours to go to the place of my choosing; as money allows?

Even though work bounds the lifestyle I love, and limits my freedom. It is also a necessity in order for to be able to do the things I want to do. It all costs money. Fortunately, there is a way around it; becoming a professional athlete. It’s an extremely rare opportunity and only a small portion of individuals that have that dream, will get the opportunity to live it.

So where does one divide the line of living a life of adventure and prospering in this beautiful world that was put before us, and the realm of working to ensure you are secure, can retire, and continue living ‘the dream’? 

Balance seems to be the logical choice, and rightfully so, but it also comes with compromise. We can’t experience everything, and have nothing. Yet at the same time, we cannot have everything and experience nothing. It all depends on how you choose to allocate your recourses (money).

Being a well-rounded person is difficult. You want to have everything and do everything, but a dollar can only stretch so far. So you compromise doing things that others might do more often, or on a regular basis, and you accept that you find happiness in different ways. Some individuals want to have nothing to show for their money, but be rich in experiences and travel. Others want to have fancy cars and a big house, but never leave their comfort zone. Yet those who want a bit of everything, or are financially privileged, try to get a little bit of both.

It seems to me that this thought isn’t one that will go away any time soon. It’s something that I continue to search for in my life. More experiences, more toys, more friends, more traveling, more skills, more time, just….more. When you’re me, you think about it.