My Kind Of Beautiful

My kind of beautiful doesn't have blonde hair; blue eyes.  She can't always be found on the catwalk at a local fashion show.

My kind of beautiful doesn't wear designer clothes or drive the latest Lexus. She can't always be found with makeup on and her hair done up.

My kind of beautiful doesn't have brown hair; brown eyes. She doesn't waste her time trying to please others.

My kind of beautiful doesn't have a perfect face. She can't always be found twirling her hair around her finger.

My kind of beautiful doesn't know where the best tanning salon in town is. She likely doesn't have time to paint her nails.

My kind of beautiful doesn't have perfect teeth. She doesn't get caught up in others drama.

My kind of beautiful doesn't have a 'model' body. You won't always find her at the gym.

You see, my kind of beautiful is different.

My kind of beautiful loves adventure. She is open to new experiences.

My kind of beautiful prefers natural beauty. She already knows she is beautiful.

My kind of beautiful has nice clothes. She wears them on special occasions.

My kind of beautiful doesn't waste time pleasing others. She is too busy being herself.

My kind of beautiful can hold a conversation. She is passionate.

My kind of beautiful is intelligent. She is quintessential.

My kind of beautiful is glowing. She has been sun kissed.

My kind of beautiful has a perfect smile. She only has time for happiness.

My kind of beautiful is healthy. She is active in all walks of life.

My kind of beautiful has a sense of humor. She laughs at her mistakes.

My kind of beautiful is personality.

Personality...is beautiful.

Think about it...

I Didn't Think...

Didn't Think...

You always said I think too much
Why worry about the future and what you can't control

So I changed my ways to avoid the thoughts
 I was having every day

Thinking if I didn't think
You'd never go away

So I didn't think there would come a day
I couldn't kiss your lips

I didn't think there would be a day
I wouldn't hug you around the hips

I didn't think there would be a day
You'd say, let's just be friends

I didn't think it would end this way
Left sitting on the fence

I didn't think about things
I know I can't control...

So I didn't think I'd never see your smiling face

I didn't think you'd be looking for someone
To fill that empty space

So I didn't think I should have thought about thinking you would leave

But now you're gone; gone for good
And I am here alone

And now I wonder do you THINK of me
The answer is probably no

Because all along everything
Was under your control

So I changed my ways to think again
Now I miss you every day

The more I think, the more I know
I'm sad you went away.

Direction is Difficult

“So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more dangerous to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.”

- Jon Krakauer

Recently I had a conundrum in my life that I couldn’t seem to get passed. It wasn’t a major event or series of events that changed my outlook; but instead, a self-reflection. I looked at myself and those around me and asked, “Am I really happy?” This made my mind go crazy and reflect in more directions than I could comprehend at any given moment. Emotions began pouring through my body and mind as if it were a fast moving stream flowing through a plethora of pebbles and rocks. I found myself distracted by all of the different aspects; I couldn’t take one steady path and analyze it as I had hoped. The bulk of this feeling, coming from the lifestyle I’ve been living.

As I analyzed my situation further, I began to feel complacent. Nothing I seem to do has felt good enough for me, I feel as though I’m not progressing, changing; I’m becoming stagnant, almost, boring.

Any of you reading this that know me are probably thinking, “Levi… complacent?” It sounds absurd to them due to my lifestyle. To them, I’m always up to something; be it skydiving, scuba diving, rock climbing, mountain biking, hiking, etc. All of these things I participate in on a regular basis, but perhaps it is not as ‘regular’ as I’d like.

This becomes more apparent when I pull my career into the picture.  I love my job; the fact that I’m able to help thousands of people communicate each day is a very rewarding thing. I’ve been with my current company for 2 years now, and in my position for 1.5 years. I feel as if I’m stagnant because I haven’t experienced change in so long. My routine is just that, a routine. Which leads me to sit and wonder… isn’t there something more? Working thousands of hours a year in order to get a couple hundred hours to go to the place of my choosing; as money allows?

Even though work bounds the lifestyle I love, and limits my freedom. It is also a necessity in order for to be able to do the things I want to do. It all costs money. Fortunately, there is a way around it; becoming a professional athlete. It’s an extremely rare opportunity and only a small portion of individuals that have that dream, will get the opportunity to live it.

So where does one divide the line of living a life of adventure and prospering in this beautiful world that was put before us, and the realm of working to ensure you are secure, can retire, and continue living ‘the dream’? 

Balance seems to be the logical choice, and rightfully so, but it also comes with compromise. We can’t experience everything, and have nothing. Yet at the same time, we cannot have everything and experience nothing. It all depends on how you choose to allocate your recourses (money).

Being a well-rounded person is difficult. You want to have everything and do everything, but a dollar can only stretch so far. So you compromise doing things that others might do more often, or on a regular basis, and you accept that you find happiness in different ways. Some individuals want to have nothing to show for their money, but be rich in experiences and travel. Others want to have fancy cars and a big house, but never leave their comfort zone. Yet those who want a bit of everything, or are financially privileged, try to get a little bit of both.

It seems to me that this thought isn’t one that will go away any time soon. It’s something that I continue to search for in my life. More experiences, more toys, more friends, more traveling, more skills, more time, just….more. When you’re me, you think about it.